Whoops-a-daisy

Morning weight: 9st 6lbs 12oz (132lbs 12oz) 

Loss: 1lb 4oz

I am overjoyed that on my second post I can say I've lost 1lb 4oz. Sticking to my recommended calories for the first day was hard, and my stomach was rumbling as I got in to bed last night, but seeing a teeny-weeny loss has made it a lot easier to cope with and has spurred me on. 

Today has been a lot tougher. I haven't felt hungry at all, but due to a complete lack of planning and an argument with Northern Cock Rock I found myself with some delectable bottles of Tuborg to cheer myself up with...

...which has resulted in me being a HUGE 322 calories over my goal intake of 1226.

The day started off quite well. I had porridge with peanut butter and sugar for breakfast, followed by a coffee with soya milk and sugar at work which kept me satisfied until midday. At lunch I went with some work people to a bar nearby where they have super-cheap pitta, houmous and olives. We had pre-ordered the food, so it was all laid out, buffet-style, when we arrived. I find situations like this really difficult as I am terrible at judging portion sizes. It seems that everyone around me has that magical sensor inside that tells them they're full, but I think years of dieting, measuring out portion sizes and not trusting my own instinct and judgement has completely killed my little hungry/full gauge. If there is food in front of me I will eat it. I decided to take one pitta bread and a couple of teaspoons of houmous, and ate about twenty green and black olives. Trying to fill this in on my Livestrong page was a nightmare as I had to guess at everything, but my rough estimates meant the meal worked out at 377.5 calories. Good job I had a diet coke instead of a glass of wine.

I haven't mentioned yet, but I'm vegan, and being vegan in Manchester is a lot more of a pain in the arse than being vegan in nice, liberal places like Brighton or New York. I mention this as it has a lot to do with my day to day anger and frustration at Manchester's lack of choice for vegans, and therefore an impact on my desire for treats in the form of sugar and booze. So to continue the story of my day, after work I went to Marks and Spensers to get some make up as they are one of the few companies that don't test on animals. I needed some really mattifying face powder as the £17 rip-off "Razor Sharp" powder I got conned into buying at Urban Decay does NOTHING to help my freakishly oily T-zone (if only I could return every bit of crap, overpriced make-up I've ever bought - my refund riches would mean I need never argue with Northern Rock again...). I got to the make up counter in M&S and it was a complete shambles. They only had a quarter of the products available on the website, everything was covered in ecoli-riddled finger muck, and, as Manchester is the tanning capital of the UK, there was nothing to suit my minutes-from-death, ghostly complexion. I was fuming by this point, but then the real poopy cherry on the turdy cake was a call to say there was a mix up with a cheque that should have cashed, and we were going to get a late payment charge on our mortgage. I decided to give up on the make-up, just get my groceries and go home. Unfortunately as Manchester is also the proud capital of unrecognisable meat products and peculiarly named baked goods (barm anyone?), Co-Op proffered very little as far as vegan pickings go. Eventually I went for some ready-made tomato and olive pasta sauce, some giant luxury penne and some Linda McCartney sausages to chop up and mix in. When I spied the beers on special offer on the way out I just had to put them in my basket.

I didn't bother adding up my Livestrong calories until I'd consumed my angry meal and angry beers, and it was then that it struck me how much I must have been overeating and drinking over the past few months as I'd just assumed these items would be well within my calorie budget. 

So the things I have learned today are as follows...

1. Have a vague idea of what I plan to eat each day.
2. Have food in my house ready to make meals with so I don't have to buy ingredients on impulse each day and end up with beer in my basket.
3. Enter my meals into the Livestrong website before eating mounds of pasta and guzzling said beer.
4. Don't let emotions, worry and anger be a trigger for eating bad foods. In the long run it's not a treat - rather a burden that will mean me limiting my calories and spending extra time in the gym

I will try and take all of that into account for the future. I'm dreading stepping on the scales tomorrow morning as I know I've probably put that pound back on, and maybe some more. I have already purchased my lunch for tomorrow so I know what I will be eating. The real test will be Friday evening as we're going to a preview at a gallery which will inevitably mean free drinks. After that we're going for a meal with my friends and one of their dads, and then on to the pub. I will try and have a look at the menu before we go so I can prepare myself to make a sensible choice. I also need to research the calories of various drinks as I'm sure that's what gets me into the most trouble every weekend. I just need to keep remembering the end goal and how comfortable and confident I felt at that weight. Remembering all this after my first glass of wine will be the real test...