Monday, 11 October 2010

...And Start Again

Morning weight: 9st 7lbs 12oz (133lbs 12oz)
Gain: 3lb 
Total loss: 4oz

Ugh! Well, that was a pretty unsuccessful week. It started with the "Reel Deal" at the Cornerhouse on Monday when we went to see "Enter the Void". The film was good - very original and visually stunning, but definitely made by a man. I have never seen so many different genitals in such a short space of time. The film was also 2hrs 40mins long, so by the time it had finished we were starving. We went back to the bar to get our deal which was a pizza and a beer or wine, plus our tickets for £12. Stupidly I got a pint of beer and some wine, and we also got a portion of chips between us. I completely demolished the pizza, and the plate was spotless by the time I was through. I left the restaurant feeling stupidly full and slightly too tipsy for a Monday night.

I think this Monday "binge" set the tone for the rest of the week, and by Friday I was indulging in a massive curry as we had friends round and I was too lazy to cook. I easily devoured massive portions of Aubergine Bhajee, Pilau Rice, Garlic Chapati and Poppadoms. I also drank a bottle of wine which left my stomach in turmoil for the whole weekend. I had to take several naps during Saturday and Sunday as my organs were in so much pain. I didn't make it to the gym as I was feeling so ropey, so all in all it was a complete disaster. The whole week left me feeling really depressed and disappointed at my complete lack of willpower, and slightly disgusted by what I'd managed to consume.

I started thinking about why I always seem to sabotage myself whenever I've had a bit of success with a diet, and I think the answer lies in the word "diet". I'm sure I must subconsciously be thinking of all the feelings typically associated with diets - deprivation, hunger, being "good", and it gets to a point where I want to do the complete opposite, and when I do, I do it in style.

On Sunday evening I was rooting through a cupboard and came across the Paul McKenna book, "I Can Make You Thin". I'd only really flicked through it before, but I thought as everything else was failing I might as well give it a try. I read half of it last night and it seemed to make a lot of sense. It involves giving up the concept of a "diet" forever, and instead following four main elements:
  1. Eat when you're hungry.
  2. Eat only what you want, never what you think you 'should'.
  3. Eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful.
  4. Stop when you even think you're full.
The book also has a hypnosis CD which I'm meant to listen to at least once a day for two weeks. I am also not allowed to weigh myself for two weeks which will be a hard habit to break as I usually do this at least once a day. I'm going to try and put the principles into practice and will update over the next couple of weeks with how I'm finding it. I'm actually really looking forward to my fortnightly weigh-in on the 25th October and really hoping that I will actually reconnect with how my body feels, rather than relying on how many calories a computer tells me I should be taking in.

My sister and her boyfriend are visiting next weekend for her birthday, and as a fellow vegan we usually indulge in a lot of our favourite foods whenever we get together. I'm looking forward to putting the elements into practice whilst out for her birthday dinner, and during our usual nachos and guacamole session. The testimonials in the book are all very encouraging, so I just hope I can trust in the system and that it will work for me...